One hot summer Sunday morning in 1970, I found myself sitting on an uncomfortable church pew listening to an old preacher offer an invitation after his sermon. As the words “Repent and be baptized so you won’t go to hell!” sunk into my young, distracted mind I thought, “Gee, why isn’t everyone lining up to be baptized? Who would want to go to hell?” I gingerly stood up, drawing everyone’s attention, scooted down the pew into the aisle, and sheepishly walked with my head down toward the preacher to confess my sin and be baptized.
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Then I went home and back to life as usual.
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Days came and went like mile markers on a highway. As a teenager, I attended various churches mostly because that was expected of me. Actions and behavior framed an intangible gospel; dos and don’ts and how my life would be better if I made better choices. Sadly, I never could get it all right. I was never good enough – so I hated myself, and I hated life.
 
Yet, somewhere deep, I felt drawn to God.
 
I got married, had a family, and went to church. I managed my roles and settled into an "I'm fine" life full ups and downs. However, a few years ago, a fog settled on me like a dirty, woolen blanket. Life didn't make sense to anymore, and new, unsettling questions clouded my mind. “Surely, there must be more.” "How can I silence the critical voices in my mind?" "Why am I never good enough?" “Is there a God?” And if so, “Does he love me?” ​
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Doubt and fear oozed into my fragile, controlled, life.​
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Somewhere amid this uncertainty, I stumbled into an unfamiliar practice called spiritual direction, which became the doorway of transformation for my soul. The fruits from spiritual direction were staggering. I saw God's presence and activity in my life in fresh ways. Inner freedom grew as past wounds healed, and I let go of unhelpful beliefs. I learned spiritual practices that nourished me and enabled me to trust and rest in a hectic life. For the first time, I felt loved and good.
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Because I experienced the powerful benefits of spiritual direction personally, I became a spiritual director to offer the same grace to others who may need something more.